


How do you face something that could break you? Wait.

by Torchwoodoctor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Drabble, Inner Dialogue, M/M, No Dialogue, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Second Person, So much repetition it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:12:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torchwoodoctor/pseuds/Torchwoodoctor
Summary: Inner thoughts on how Dean could tell Cas about his feelings, and what he fears could happen if he did.AKADean and Cas need to actually talk to each other instead of staring longingly





	How do you face something that could break you? Wait.

If you love someone, do you tell them how you feel? If it's not love, just infatuation or passing sentiment, do you tell them how you feel?

And ~~when~~ if you decide to tell them,  _how_ do you tell them? How do you tell this amazing, gorgeous  ~~man~~ angel that you love him? That you can't stop thinking about him and it's driving you crazy. How do you put into words just how much you long for him? That you want him so much it hurts. That you want him in your bed at night; in your arms when nightmares take over; in the car when you've been driving all day, and at home after hunts.

Maybe, when this hell is all over, he'll save you once again and by some miracle, he'll actually want you back. Maybe he'll make the first move: more than a hug that lasts too long or a look that's more than just a glance. But, maybe those things are enough for now. Maybe they mean he wants you. Maybe they mean he loves you. You hope it does because  ~~god~~ it might just kill you if he doesn't. But he has to make the move. You can't do it. You can't. You've tried, you really have.

In a crypt - covered in blood he'd put there - desperate to get through to him. In Purgatory - desperate to get home, but only if he was there too. In a barn - desperate for him to live. On the dirt - desperate for him to come back. It wouldn't come out, no matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't. He has to make the first move. You really can't do it. You've got too much doubt, too much to lose.

What if he doesn't feel the same? What if he hates you? What if he leaves? That's what you're afraid of, not monsters in the dark, you're afraid the  ~~man~~ angel you love, won't love you back. That he'll leave. Again. It almost killed you last time.

Could you survive it again? Could you survive, knowing that the  ~~man~~ angel you love, the  ~~man~~ angel you see in your wildest dreams - the ones with kids and without monsters - doesn't want you like you need him? Of course you couldn't.

He has to make the first move.

You'll wait.

You'll yearn for him, but you'll wait.

You'll sit, watching him, and it won't even enter your head that he's thinking the same thing.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written at 1am. Oops. Any mistakes are completely my own and this is unbeta'd, let me know if you see anything :)


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